BGM: For My Pride by Spirit Level. The second ending theme of the Shadow Skill anime series. Soaring, epic and mighty.
Breakfast: Sausages, scrambled eggs and rice.
Lunch: Beef with bellpeppers, fish fillet and rice.
Dinner: Jollibee Double TLC Yum and Jolly Hotdog. (was hungry on the way home from Subic.)
"Then I saw another mighty angel coming down from heaven. He was robed in a cloud, with a rainbow above his head; his face was like the sun, and his legs were like fiery pillars. He was holding a little scroll, which lay open in his hand. He planted his right foot on the sea and his left foot on the land, and he gave a loud shout like the roar of a lion...And he swore by Him who lives forever and ever, who created the heavens and all that is in them, the earth and all that is in it, and the sea and all that is in it, and said, "THERE WILL BE NO MORE DELAY!""
-Revelation 10:1-3,6
It's been quite a while since I last updated, and I apologize for that. Lots of deadlines at work, but that's all done. I just came back from a rather large singles' retreat at Subic, and I learned a lot of stuff. The crux of what I'm writing today is mostly based on the message that I felt had the most impact on me.
I've been a Christian for quite a while. I met the Lord in the summer of 1997, so that makes it about 8 years already. I was quite active for a while, but recently, an unholy alliance of certain bad elements has been plaguing me. Of course, I'm ultimately to blame because I let it overtake me. But now, I think it's about time I returned to what I used to be.
The last talk in our retreat was given by Pastor Nathan Leigh, who (like all of CCF's pastors) is an incredibly cool guy---generally funny, but serious when it counts. He spoke on the topic of one's life mission, and while a large bulk of this blog's readers are young adolescents, I think it might be a good idea for them to start thinking about this too.
A lot of people go through life thinking they have faith when in truth all they have is religion. What's the difference? Religion is simply a set of rules that you follow, a bunch of rituals that you perform, which is more often than not separate from one's daily lifestyle. It's a cultural, official thing (what you have written on paper) and is so separate from your life that often calling yourself by your religion's name is hypocritical. Many people, especially in the Philippines, have this. But what I see that many people unfortunately lack is faith.
Faith is something else altogether. It's something you actually live for, something that affects the way you walk and talk and deal with people--especially in adverse circumstances. For the longest time, the faith that I have took the back seat to a farce that I put up with just for the sake of feeling good. The Christ who I loved and served simply became a distant, impersonal watcher who I only turned to when I felt bad. This was not His fault, but mine. I was too caught up in my little "harmless" habits, in my computer gaming and everything else that I spent too much time with. I tried to justify this by saying "I deserved it" and that I needed the rest after all the stress of my job, among others. But it was a lie. I was trying to restore my strength with something that ultimately just sapped it even more. I slipped and fell so many times within the past few years because of this. It's only by God's grace that I've actually been able to keep standing up and running forward. You could say that I was running but not looking at the path---hence my constant stumbling.
Pastor Nathan only gave a few simple points about a purposeful life:
-It gives you a sense of power when you surrender your life to Christ. Amazing things happen when you boldly do what he wants you to do. It's been a while since I really saw this happening in my life because of my blindness. But I know that as I recommit, I'm going to see this again.
-It gives you a sense of urgency when you surrender in love to Christ's mission. When you're really intent on showing the love of Christ to others, then you'll feel that this command is urgent. It isn't something that comes and goes---it's the actual purpose of your life. I have to admit I'm weakest in this part. I've had great difficulty talking about the Gospel in public, which is why I'm resorting to online mediums for now. Of course the most meaningful way to share it is in a face-to-face encounter, and while I haven't been very keen on that, I know God's working on me.
-It gives you a sense of responsibility---a surrender of rights. I'm also pretty weak in this area. I often find myself scheming how to tear some thug's guts out should I encounter one on the way home from school. (Car broke down, so I have to walk. Good exercise if not for the pollution) I often feel that I have the right to kill someone because he threatens my own right to life. But with this sense of responsibility---realization that I call myself a Christian and should act like one---I have to overhaul this automatic defense mechanism that seems to work every time I'm in a dark and freakish place. But I can see that God's working---as I walked home from the bus stop today, I managed to get rid of the "I'll use my duffel bag to deflect the knife when he lunges, then I'll throttle him with it and stab him" mentality and instead let God's presence comfort me and His bodyguards do the protection. I managed to walk home safely. Of course this doesn't mean I'm suddenly a pansy pushover---it simply means that I'm more secure in the way I act and sure of how I should move in times of trouble.
-Lastly, it gives you a sense of enlightenment---a surrender of ego. Knowing the truth doesn't mean you can laugh at other people and mock them. A lot of times I come off as a know-it-all, but does all that matter? How can I do all the above if I'm showing people how much of a jerk I am? I don't often think "I'm a Christian and you're not, so you SUCK," but I often think that others are really quite dense. I guess it's a subliminal part of my training as an Ateneo student, to see others as intellectually inferior. It's probably one of the worst things to teach students to think, but it happens anyway. Nevertheless, giving up the ego is something practically all men struggle with, whether they admit it or not.
And so I've got a whole lot of things to work on in my life---rather, God has a whole lot of things to work on in my life. It's easy to think that the more bad things that I have in my life, the harder God will have to work on me. But I think a better way of thinking would be "I have so much trash in my life, I look forward to how God will make it all useful for Him. I look forward to seeing how he'll actually pull it off."
Easier said than done. The Christian life has often been seen as a very complicated and unwieldy mess of theology and rules and regulations, but it's actually a very, very, simple thing. Show Christ's love by obeying Him.
Simple, yes. I didn't say it wasn't hard. Jesus never said it was easy either. We often complicate things so that we can give more excuses, as Pastor Nathan said in a previous talk. When it's simple, it's a lot harder to do because we have no excuses, no way of weaseling out.
And so it boils down to a certain decision I've made, which I believe will be the first of several decisions that I'll be making within the next few months. I've decided to step down as Administrator of the SimChamber.
It's not because I can't stand the nagging, not because of some fight. I just think that I've been clinging onto this position for the wrong reasons, and that it compromises the time that I SHOULD be spending with my God. There are disciplines I want to develop, and I know that God won't help me if I don't give Him the time that He's due. If I spend my time arguing about rules and mechanics, then what good will I get from that? I'm done with that administrator position.
I want that sense of Your presence back, O God. I don't want to live this farce anymore. There's a lot that has to be done in my life, and so a lot of sacrifices have to be made. But Abraham only truly saw the extent of Your love when he went out in faith to sacrifice his own son. The blessing comes after the sacrifices are made. This is the first one, and I know that You are pleased.
There will be no more delay. I can't let my weakness keep me from shirking this responsibility.
I've been a Christian for quite a while. I met the Lord in the summer of 1997, so that makes it about 8 years already. I was quite active for a while, but recently, an unholy alliance of certain bad elements has been plaguing me. Of course, I'm ultimately to blame because I let it overtake me. But now, I think it's about time I returned to what I used to be.
The last talk in our retreat was given by Pastor Nathan Leigh, who (like all of CCF's pastors) is an incredibly cool guy---generally funny, but serious when it counts. He spoke on the topic of one's life mission, and while a large bulk of this blog's readers are young adolescents, I think it might be a good idea for them to start thinking about this too.
A lot of people go through life thinking they have faith when in truth all they have is religion. What's the difference? Religion is simply a set of rules that you follow, a bunch of rituals that you perform, which is more often than not separate from one's daily lifestyle. It's a cultural, official thing (what you have written on paper) and is so separate from your life that often calling yourself by your religion's name is hypocritical. Many people, especially in the Philippines, have this. But what I see that many people unfortunately lack is faith.
Faith is something else altogether. It's something you actually live for, something that affects the way you walk and talk and deal with people--especially in adverse circumstances. For the longest time, the faith that I have took the back seat to a farce that I put up with just for the sake of feeling good. The Christ who I loved and served simply became a distant, impersonal watcher who I only turned to when I felt bad. This was not His fault, but mine. I was too caught up in my little "harmless" habits, in my computer gaming and everything else that I spent too much time with. I tried to justify this by saying "I deserved it" and that I needed the rest after all the stress of my job, among others. But it was a lie. I was trying to restore my strength with something that ultimately just sapped it even more. I slipped and fell so many times within the past few years because of this. It's only by God's grace that I've actually been able to keep standing up and running forward. You could say that I was running but not looking at the path---hence my constant stumbling.
Pastor Nathan only gave a few simple points about a purposeful life:
-It gives you a sense of power when you surrender your life to Christ. Amazing things happen when you boldly do what he wants you to do. It's been a while since I really saw this happening in my life because of my blindness. But I know that as I recommit, I'm going to see this again.
-It gives you a sense of urgency when you surrender in love to Christ's mission. When you're really intent on showing the love of Christ to others, then you'll feel that this command is urgent. It isn't something that comes and goes---it's the actual purpose of your life. I have to admit I'm weakest in this part. I've had great difficulty talking about the Gospel in public, which is why I'm resorting to online mediums for now. Of course the most meaningful way to share it is in a face-to-face encounter, and while I haven't been very keen on that, I know God's working on me.
-It gives you a sense of responsibility---a surrender of rights. I'm also pretty weak in this area. I often find myself scheming how to tear some thug's guts out should I encounter one on the way home from school. (Car broke down, so I have to walk. Good exercise if not for the pollution) I often feel that I have the right to kill someone because he threatens my own right to life. But with this sense of responsibility---realization that I call myself a Christian and should act like one---I have to overhaul this automatic defense mechanism that seems to work every time I'm in a dark and freakish place. But I can see that God's working---as I walked home from the bus stop today, I managed to get rid of the "I'll use my duffel bag to deflect the knife when he lunges, then I'll throttle him with it and stab him" mentality and instead let God's presence comfort me and His bodyguards do the protection. I managed to walk home safely. Of course this doesn't mean I'm suddenly a pansy pushover---it simply means that I'm more secure in the way I act and sure of how I should move in times of trouble.
-Lastly, it gives you a sense of enlightenment---a surrender of ego. Knowing the truth doesn't mean you can laugh at other people and mock them. A lot of times I come off as a know-it-all, but does all that matter? How can I do all the above if I'm showing people how much of a jerk I am? I don't often think "I'm a Christian and you're not, so you SUCK," but I often think that others are really quite dense. I guess it's a subliminal part of my training as an Ateneo student, to see others as intellectually inferior. It's probably one of the worst things to teach students to think, but it happens anyway. Nevertheless, giving up the ego is something practically all men struggle with, whether they admit it or not.
And so I've got a whole lot of things to work on in my life---rather, God has a whole lot of things to work on in my life. It's easy to think that the more bad things that I have in my life, the harder God will have to work on me. But I think a better way of thinking would be "I have so much trash in my life, I look forward to how God will make it all useful for Him. I look forward to seeing how he'll actually pull it off."
Easier said than done. The Christian life has often been seen as a very complicated and unwieldy mess of theology and rules and regulations, but it's actually a very, very, simple thing. Show Christ's love by obeying Him.
Simple, yes. I didn't say it wasn't hard. Jesus never said it was easy either. We often complicate things so that we can give more excuses, as Pastor Nathan said in a previous talk. When it's simple, it's a lot harder to do because we have no excuses, no way of weaseling out.
And so it boils down to a certain decision I've made, which I believe will be the first of several decisions that I'll be making within the next few months. I've decided to step down as Administrator of the SimChamber.
It's not because I can't stand the nagging, not because of some fight. I just think that I've been clinging onto this position for the wrong reasons, and that it compromises the time that I SHOULD be spending with my God. There are disciplines I want to develop, and I know that God won't help me if I don't give Him the time that He's due. If I spend my time arguing about rules and mechanics, then what good will I get from that? I'm done with that administrator position.
I want that sense of Your presence back, O God. I don't want to live this farce anymore. There's a lot that has to be done in my life, and so a lot of sacrifices have to be made. But Abraham only truly saw the extent of Your love when he went out in faith to sacrifice his own son. The blessing comes after the sacrifices are made. This is the first one, and I know that You are pleased.
There will be no more delay. I can't let my weakness keep me from shirking this responsibility.
4 comments:
lucky you sir... you actually have the strength to face your weaknesses and do something about them.
i can't seem to muster the courage to do that. god help me.
It's not my own strength. It never is.
I do believe in God, honestly, but I don't live a real Christian life. I don't do most things Christians are supposed to do.
It seems that I have more interest in theology, the philosophy behind religion, behind all these beliefs. Perhaps without the wisdom I have found in the catechism, my belief wouldn't be as strong.
One of the strongest ideas I've learned so far: The Theory of Causality, which makes God the Supreme Cause of everythng.
Perhaps the reason why Christianity is often unappealing is that it's commonly seen as a set of do's and don'ts, which is one of the things it's not supposed to be. While there are general guidelines for one's actions, they are not what makes a Christian a Christian. Going to church does not make one a Christian any more than going to McDonald's makes one a hamburger.
At its core, Christianity is about a relationship with God that cannot be established apart from the sacrifice of Christ. This relationship is what saves us and changes us, making us better people. It is not about being a better person so that we can be saved.
Take note that philosophy of religion and theology are completely different things. Philosophy of religion is a human, rational and intellectual way of understanding the phenomenon of faith, while theology is a structured understanding of God based on faith. Philosophy of religion does not need faith in order to function, while theology assumes for the most part that there is faith to begin with. The concept of God as the "Prime Mover" is philosophy. (I believe it's based on Aristotle)
There is nothing wrong with being interested in either philosophy or theology. But I do think that given the depth of the learning that both fields can give, it would be a tragedy to not let it stir one's heart and being in one way or another. Scripture is ultimately not for information, but for transformation.
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